I feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel like all of this effort is not worth it. In my most vulnerable moments, if I’m honest, I feel like a fraud. But these are just feelings, and the beautiful thing about feelings, is that they can float away, just as quickly as they come. They sure can come in with a vengeance though, can’t they? One comment from a bored or unhappy (or honest) subscriber on YouTube, and I can feel like forfeiting the game. One email where someone explains that they aren’t really getting value out of my program hits differently than the hundreds of testimonials that say they love everything about it. It’s that whole Teflon/Velcro thing. The negative sticks like Velcro and the positive just slips off like Teflon.
“It takes consistent and mindful attention to shift, whether it be in your mind or body.”
How I am trying to grow, is to be self aware in the moment. In a sense, to pop outside of myself and observe what is going on inside of me. What I am really listening for, are the stories that I tell myself when these things happen. Let me tell you, at times my stories have been nasty. At times I’ve told myself. “It’s no wonder your business isn’t growing faster, you’re not as creative or business savvy or young or organized as others. It’s not worth it, just give up.” But then, so often a marvelous thing happens. In the middle of that shame spiral, I’ll receive a comment or an email like this, that reminds me that who I am and what I do matters.
“You don’t know me, of course, but I have been following your YouTube channel for the past year, and it has, ever so gradually, changed my body and my life. It is a continuing process, one that is not always easy to maintain (particularly the mental health side of things), but I can say without a doubt that becoming stronger physically has improved my life in all aspects. For that I am so grateful, and I just wanted to say a big thank you for everything that you do.” ~Julie
If I allow it, other people’s opinions of me can either build me up or rock me to my core. What I want to be able to do, and what I am working on, is building my belief in myself. This is such a slow journey though, isn’t it? For me, it’s 2 steps forwards, one step back, 3 steps sideways! But I’m getting there. I must be, I haven’t quit yet. I don’t want to have to rely on other people giving me my sense of self. I want that to come from within me. The only way that is going to grow, is if I practice it. It’s the same thing with getting more fit, or having a better relationship with food. You can’t just snap your fingers and voila, you’re there. Rather, it takes consistent and mindful attention to shift, whether it be in your mind or your body.
So, I’m just going to be over here, paying attention to what’s going on inside of me. I’m going to notice my reactivity. I’m going to reframe the situation. I’m going to be curious about those stories that I tell myself. I’m going to attempt compassion for myself over contempt.
I’m going to stick with it, because if I give up….nothing will change. And I’m not ok with that.
Over at Move Daily Membership, we are all working hard at becoming “People like us, who do things like this.” We are working on shifting and growing, not just in our bodies, but in our minds as well. These are some of the conversations that we’re having. If you’re interested in being a part of a group like this, click here to find out more. Move Daily Membership
