Invariably, some of you will have already decided to go on a diet on January 1st, 2017. Before you fully commit to painstakingly weighing your food, counting calories or restricting anything delicious, please read this blog and perhaps I can convince you that there is a different and sustainable way to get your body healthy.
Let me start by stating the obvious, diets work.
There’s no question that they work. If you eat the food (and only that food) that is delivered to your house on Jenny Craig, you will lose weight. If you follow the 17 Day Diet and for 17 days, you restrict certain foods and macronutrients, you will lose weight. If you follow Atkins or South Beach or a Paleo diet where you are eating primarily fats and proteins, you will lose weight. If you take injections and restrict your calories to 600 a day on the Bernstein Diet, you will lose weight.
The “catch” with every diet though is this: Can you adopt that behavior for the rest of your life? The short answer is probably no.
“Don’t try to fix the problem with a band-aid solution.”
The problem is that once we go off the diet, we are back to our old familiar eating patterns and behaviors that caused the weight gain in the first place. It’s a funny thing because it usually doesn’t happen right away. Your body has gotten use to running at a higher metabolic rate while on the diet and so when you indulge in that first treat meal, nothing really happens. So we get a little bolder and have a treat the next day too, and before you know it the scale starts to creep up once again. At that point, the thought of going back on the diet is worse than repeatedly jabbing yourself in the eye with a hot poker and so you don’t. Within 3 months you are back to where you started, only this time, a little more guilt and a hell of a lot more shame.
So, what we’ve learned is two-fold:
- In order for my weight to stay down, I need to adopt an eating style that I can live with for the rest of my life.
- More important than what I am eating, is WHY I am eating.
Let’s look at the first thing.
In order for my weight to stay down, I need to adopt an eating style that I can live with for the rest of my life. So, what is this style?
The style is likely one that you are already very familiar with. It’s eating healthy, whole foods in moderation, 80-90% of the time. Pretty much sums it up. Now I could delve deeper into what that looks like if you have an intolerance, or allergies or preferences, but by and large the problem is that you probably eat too much of the wrong stuff too often.
Which leads me to my second lesson: More important than what I am eating, is why I am eating.
This is it, it really is.
If we can figure out the why behind turning to food, we can begin to work with it. So, we begin the search.
A client and I sit and chat for a few minutes before the session begins and sometimes the conversation goes like this: “So, how was your eating this weekend?” She replies, “Oh my, well…not good. I started everyday really well, had a good breakfast and salad with chicken for lunch, but then when I came home from shopping in the afternoon, I just raided the pantry. I found a bag of chocolates in there and ate the whole thing, plus cheese and crackers. Ugh, why do I do that?” So I ask, “How were you feeling when you were driving home from the mall?” She says, “Well, I was overwhelmed. I have a lot of shopping left to do yet for Christmas and I haven’t bought anything for my mom yet, and she’s always so picky.” I ask her, “Have you bought her stuff before that she doesn’t like?” She says, “Haha, yes, last year I bought her a pair of pj’s I thought were really cute, but when she opened them she shook her head at me and said, “Why did you waste your money on these?! My God, you know I’ll never wear them!” My client kind of laughed when she told me the story so I asked her, “Did you laugh when she said that?” She said, “No, not at all. I felt embarrassed and hurt, like I never want to do anything nice for her again.” Then I asked her, “Were you thinking about that story on your drive home from the mall today, before you raided the pantry and ate all of the chocolates?” She said come to think of it, she was. 
In psychology we learn that thoughts create feelings, feelings create behavior and behavior reinforces thoughts. So in our story, if my client’s thoughts are I am not a great daughter, I don’t measure up, I am not worthwhile, I make mistakes, the feelings that flood her with those beliefs are shame, embarrassment, and rejection. No one wants to feel shame, embarrassment or rejection and one way to move away from those painful feelings is to turn to something else to take it away.
We may turn to food, alcohol, exercise, or work to try to distract us from the feelings. The real work is to begin to compassionately recognize this pattern and change the story we tell ourselves. An earlier blog on regulating our feelings explains how you can do this.
Make 2017 a year where you understand yourself a little more. Don’t try to fix the problem with a band-aid solution. Be curious about your behavior and delve below the water line to figure out what’s going on. Doing so will increase your wellness ten fold. And who doesn’t want a little more wellness this coming year?
To learn more about nutrition, the why AND the what, don’t forget to sign up for our Healthy Eating Revisited class taking place Thursday, January 26, 2017! More details right here!
